Your Pizza Personality

October 2020 | by michael j. hitchcock

Ah, pizza! American culture has unabashedly embraced this timeless classic. The average American eats 40 pizzas annually or about three pizzas each month. America loves pizza. With origins reaching back to 997 AD, this popular feast offers affordability, convenience, easy cleanup, and a delectable variety of crusts, sauces, and toppings. The combinations seem infinite. 

Some of us enjoy a plain, thin-crust pizza, while others indulge in a thick crust, supreme pizza with extra cheese and a BBQ drizzle. With all of the options, agreeing on the right combination can be a challenge. There's a reason for the "half pep, half mushroom" delivery. Our pizza choices, just like our choices in clothing, cars, and television shows, say something about who we are, how we think, and what we love. 

CRUSTS 

Thin: It’s all about texture, isn’t it? You hug, you pat on the back, you love the world for how it feels. The sign that reads, “Please Don’t Touch” is pure temptation for you and, when nobody's looking, you just have to do it. You need to know, and the world is yours to explore. Never change, my friend. 

Flatbread: You want a simple life, but you enjoy the occasional challenge. You don't mind taking the easy road. However, you do get the occasional urge to try something new and exciting. You'll always return to the joys of the less complex, though. Life is good as is...with an occasional twist. 

Traditional: Rules are made for a reason, people. Highly conscientious, you believe that order and law are the foundation of society. Change is usually not a good idea as you've found what works, and you like it that way. Stability is the key to happiness, but being open to new ideas can bear fruit if you're willing. 

Deep Dish: For you, life is a bevy of marvelous flavors, aromas and wonders to be enjoyed and savored. The world is big and beautiful – let's indulge ourselves when we can. When you decide to do something, you dive in headfirst. You do nothing halfway, and your family and friends enjoy that about you. 

Wood-Fired: A bit outdoorsy yet fairly refined, you tend to live on the fringe in a way that most people find compelling. You probably dress differently, perhaps leading your friends in fashion. You’re patient and willing to wait a long time for something that you like. Life is to be savored for its more subtle treasures ofter overlooked by the crowd. 

STYLES 

The Plain Pizza: You know what you want, that’s clear enough. You've tried a few things, and you've made a solid, undeniable choice. You're a reliable person with many people depending on you. They trust you because you have proven yourself to be steady and trustworthy. You might worry too much at times, but you're a safe bet for those who know you well. 

The Hawaiian Pizza: Your mantra is, "Why not?" You don't worry about much, and you walk through life with a casual stroll. You aren't entirely sure of yourself, but what can you do about things that you can't change? Anxiety is for other people, not you. You're quite comfortable in your own skin, and your friends appreciate that quality. 

The Mushroom Pizza: It's impossible not to mention that you're a "fungi." People like you as you're entertaining, easy to talk with, and energetic. You might get some strange looks now and again because you act or dress a bit differently than those around you, but that's part of being you. Just do you. 

The Pepperoni Pizza: You love those around you and protect them with a passion, but you like to have a bit of fun, too. Some call you assertive; others might say you’re a little aggressive. Regardless of adjectives, they all know that you’ll provide for your own and your love runs deep. They also know better than to take the last piece of pizza if you’ve got your eye on it. 

The Meat Lover’s Pizza: You are proud of your family and friends, and you let people know it. You don't hide your feelings, and you aren't ashamed to be yourself. Vocal and sure, you proclaim your thoughts boldly and clearly, but you will listen to opposing viewpoints if presented logically and reasonably. You know who you are, as does everyone around you. 

The Veggie Pizza: You might be a shade sensitive, but you're not a baby. You are in touch with your emotional side, and you keep a lot of secrets for others. You don't share yourself with everyone, but you are extremely close to a few, select people you cherish. There is a fire inside of you that can surprise others if they are lucky enough to catch a glimpse. 

The Supreme Pizza: You love life, people, and pizza. There's enough to go around for everyone. Life is about sharing and trying everything at least once. Sometimes you feel as if you're just a tiny bit out of control of your life, but you always find a way to manage the chaos. Sometimes you even enjoy it, but you’ll never admit that to anyone. 

SPECIAL TOPPINGS 

Bacon: Life is short, and you know how to make it sweet. Healthy is good, but happy is better. Nitrates be damned, food is to be enjoyed, and life is a wonderful gift to be relished. You've got a plan, but spontaneity is in your DNA. Flexibility is important, so throw that bacon on there and do it right. 

Basil: You’re an adventurer, likely into hiking and other outdoor activities. You’re often egging on your friends and family to take chances and do something different. A creative person, you’re unafraid to be unique. You’re likely a trendsetter but may not know it. 

Pineapple: Stir that pot, my friend. You don't fear controversy, and you do what you like. Rules are made to be broken, and the consequences can be delicious. You'll take a risk, and you've been called "mischievous" more than once, but you are exceptional, and everyone loves that about you. 

Anchovies: A rare breed, you are. You often find yourself in confused awe of the boring, boiler-plate lives others lead. Not you, though. You seek the unique. Once you've made up your mind, it is nigh impossible to change. Dare to be different!  

Extra Cheese: Um, pizza is all about the cheese, isn’t it? You’re not afraid to take on more, but at times you might feel overwhelmed. Your professional and personal lives are both brimming with activities, yet you just can't stop yourself. Take a break from all this fun and excitement? Nah. More cheese, please. 

So go on and enjoy that pizza, your pizza; your personality. Bon appetit! 

Originally printed in the October 2020 issue of Simply Local Magazine

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