Photo courtesy of Sunshine Academy 

Let’s talk tantrums. 

They’re loud. Messy. Emotionally draining. And honestly? Sometimes it's embarrassing. We’ve all been there, sweating in the grocery store aisle while your toddler dissolves into a puddle because the grapes are red, not green. You just want it to stop. To avoid the scene. To do whatever it takes to get the volume down and the peace restored. 

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: tantrums aren’t the problem. Avoiding them is. 

Tantrums are a child’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed,” “I’m disappointed,” or even “I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling.” They’re not being bad. They’re being human, just like us, and they need space to feel hard things. 

When we try to avoid tantrums at all costs by giving in, distracting, or over-explaining we send a message that big feelings are too much. That conflict is scary. That peace matters more than honesty. 

And in the short term, yes, that snack or screen or “okay, fine, just this once” might keep them calm. But over time? It creates a dynamic where your child doesn’t learn how to sit in discomfort, work through frustration, or accept boundaries. 

Let me be clear: you don’t have to love tantrums. No one does. But you can stop fearing them. 

Here’s what tantrums are teaching your child when we don’t rush to shut them down: 

• Their feelings are valid, even if their behavior needs redirection. 
• Emotions can rise, peak, and settle, and they are safe the whole time. 
• You can be firm and loving at the same time. 
• Disappointment doesn’t mean disconnection. 

One parenting reminder: your job isn’t to prevent every meltdown; it’s to walk your child through them. That’s where trust is built. Not in perfect behavior, but in the presence. In knowing you’ll still be there when the tears fall, the arms flail, and the world feels too big. 

So how do you handle tantrums without fear? 

• Stay calm. Their chaos doesn’t need to become yours. 
• Get on their level. “You’re really upset. It’s hard to hear ‘no.’” 
• Hold the boundary. “I won’t change my answer, but I’m here while you feel sad.” 
• Let it pass. The storm ends, always. 

And then later, talk it through. When their brain is back online, help them connect the dots. “Next time, what could we do when we feel that upset?” Now you’re not just surviving tantrums; you’re building emotional intelligence. 

Because the goal isn’t perfect behavior, it’s a child who can feel big things, express themselves, and still know they’re deeply loved. 

Don’t be afraid of tantrums. Be afraid of a child who’s never allowed to feel. 

About the Author 

Sara Schreiner is the owner of The Sunshine Academy, a certified parenting coach, and a dedicated advocate for early childhood education. With years of experience in the childcare industry, she has helped parents navigate the joys and challenges of raising over a thousand children in Yellowstone County. Her expertise in early learning, child development, and family support makes her a trusted resource for parents seeking guidance in choosing high-quality childcare. 

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