Photo courtesy of Sunshine Academy
If You Always Say Yes, Someone Else Will Have to Say No
Let’s just say it: saying “no” doesn’t make you a mean parent. It makes you a prepared one.
In fact, one of the kindest things you can do for your child is set clear, loving boundaries even when they don’t like them. Especially when they don’t like them.
Because here’s the hard truth: if they never hear “no” from you, they’re going to hear it from someone else — a teacher, a coach, a boss — and it might hit harder coming from a world that doesn’t love them like you do.
Boundaries are not barriers, they’re guides. They teach children how to function in a world that won’t always give them what they want. A world where patience, respect, and self-control matter. And while giving in might feel easier in the moment, especially after a long day, it rarely helps in the long run.
We’ve seen it play out in classrooms: the child who melts down because they didn’t get their favorite color cup. The one who walks out of group time because they don’t like the story. The one who demands, instead of asking. And it’s not because they’re bad, it’s because they haven’t had enough practice hearing “no” with love and consistency.
When we say yes to everything such as snacks, the second shows, the "just this once" exceptions, we aren’t giving them freedom. We’re giving them uncertainty. And uncertainty is overwhelming for a young child.
Limits actually create emotional safety.
When a child knows where the edges are, they relax. They stop testing (as much). They feel anchored. They may not like the boundary, but they begin to trust it.
So, if your child gets upset when you say “no,” it’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it right. Their protest is just their way of learning where the line is. And when you hold that line kindly and consistently, it starts to sink in.
Need help getting started? Try this:
- “I hear you want that. My answer is still no.”
- “It’s hard when things don’t go your way. I’m here with you.”
- “I’m not changing my mind, but I’m staying close.”
- “I love you too much to say yes to something that’s not okay.”
Over time, they’ll begin to internalize the lesson: I can feel disappointed… and still be okay. I can hear no… and still be loved.
That’s emotional strength. And it starts at home, with a parent brave enough to say no, not out of control, but out of care.
Say no with love today, so the world doesn’t have to say it without love tomorrow.
About the Author
Sara Schreiner is the owner of The Sunshine Academy, a certified parenting coach, and a dedicated advocate for early childhood education. With years of experience in the childcare industry, she has helped parents navigate the joys and challenges of raising over a thousand children in Yellowstone County. Her expertise in early learning, child development, and family support makes her a trusted resource for parents seeking guidance in choosing high-quality childcare.
