What’s Your Parenting Style?
August 2020 | by brooke wagner
Researchers have identified four main parenting styles. These styles often develop without much awareness on our end - often due to the way we were raised. Our experiences with being nurtured, taught, disciplined, and parented impact the way we parent when it comes to our children. Each style has its effects on self-image, emotions, and social skills. Although each partner in the relationship probably has vastly different parenting styles, working together to build on each other's strengths and weaknesses results in well-rounded and emotionally healthy families.
Authoritative Parent- This style lends itself to a nurturing and affectionate environment, while at the same time maintaining developmentally appropriate boundaries for growing minds and bodies. Discipline is offered through guidance, with open communication and allowing children to learn from their mistakes in a safe and nurturing environment. Research shows that authoritative parenting results in a high level of trust between parents and kids, and encourages socially responsible, empathetic littles who grow into confident high achievers.
Authoritarian Parent- The term “Tiger Mom” was coined for this style of parenting. Authoritarian parenting emphasizes high expectations in a strict and inflexible environment, demanding high levels of success to avoid punishment. Discipline is doled out to ensure obedience, and there is typically less physical affection shown between parents and children. This can lead to offspring who are less confident and have poor social skills. Ironically, for all the emphasis placed on achievement, kids with authoritarian parents typically do not do as well in school or extracurricular activities.
Permissive Parent- This style might seem like the anecdote for the high-pressure authoritarian style, but it has its challenges! Permissive parents are nurturing and affectionate, but maintain few boundaries for their children, preferring the role of "friend" to "parent." This style is highly responsive to the needs of their kids, but can sometimes take it too far, catering to every whim or tantrum. Permissive parenting creates extremely self-confident kiddos with high self-esteem, but their impulsive tendencies and lack of boundaries may cause them to have difficulties making and keeping friends.
Uninvolved Parent- For whatever reason, sometimes mom or dad just isn't around. While in some cases, it might seem like "having no parent is better than having a bad parent," research points to the fact that even uninvolved parenting negatively affects our kids. This style is emotionally detached and self-absorbed, with little or inconsistent boundaries. Failing to offer structure and guidance to your child can lead to kids becoming withdrawn and avoiding any real emotions or feelings. Kids with uninvolved parents usually display low self-esteem and struggle in academics and extracurriculars.
It's important to note that we do not fit neatly into the four "boxes" described above. Most parents do NOT perfectly display one parenting style; in fact, typical parents have characteristics of several styles and may change according to the situation or family stage of life. If there is something you don't like about a parenting style you identify with, take some time to investigate that further. What things are working well with your kids and family in THIS season? What things could use a little adjustment or improvement? Remember, moms and dads, that parenting is not a utopian formula of "this plus this equals a perfect child." We are all human, moms, dads, and kids included, and we need to allow ourselves the freedom and grace to make a few mistakes along the way.
American humorist Erma Bombeck had this to say about her own family: "We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."
Originally printed in the August 2020 issue of Simply Local Magazine
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