Article by Stephanie Hobby 

It's an unfortunate, but nearly universal, part of childhood. Someone won't like your child and will act on their inclinations. As a parent, you may find it heartbreaking to witness and even more confusing to navigate, but neither you nor your child is powerless.  

Miles Avenue Elementary School Counselor Kirstie Thomas says talking early with your child about school and all that it entails, good and bad, is one of the best defenses against bullying and other social conflict. 

• Prepare your student for the social side of school. If their best friends aren't in their classes this year, reassure them that they'll still see each other at lunch and recess. Frame it as a chance to make new friends, too.  

• Ask specific, open-ended questions about their day, rather than general ones. Try: "Who did you sit with at lunch today?" "What did you talk about in math?" "What is your class focusing on in science?" Staying on top of what's happening lets you catch social issues early, before conflict escalates.  

• Stay calm. If your child is being bullied, it's natural for a parent's first instinct to be to fight back, but experts agree that doesn't help in the long run. Thomas points out that kids' brains aren't developed the way adults are, so the advice that works for us doesn't always translate into a skill they'll use later in life. She describes a common scene: a child comes home and says a classmate called them a loser, and a parent's response is to tell them to call the kid a name back. "And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa," Thomas says. "Let's teach them better communication skills and use it as a teaching moment, or let's teach them to walk away so that it's not escalating into something more, and build appropriate conflict resolution skills and teach them to be resilient."  

• Empower them with options. Ask your child what they could have done differently, or whether there's someone else they could sit or play with. Remind them they have the power to walk away from someone who isn't nice to them, or in the case of social media, to block them.  

• Lean on your school's resources. Counselors are trained to teach students conflict-resolution skills, and they can connect you with outside support if your child needs help building confidence or managing emotions through a tough situation. Ask what tools the school is using so you can reinforce them at home.  

• Understand what bullying actually is. Thomas says there's a common misunderstanding about the definition, and it matters: it's not a single mean comment or a one-time conflict. "What we teach is that bullying has to be one-sided. It has to be over and over again in an imbalance of power," Thomas says. She estimates she has this conversation five to 10 times a year: if a child had walked away or ignored the other kid, that would be bullying. But if their own child responded in kind, calling names back, it becomes a two-sided conflict that calls for problem-solving rather than a bullying intervention.  

• Loop in the teacher when your child needs an adult's support. Schools can't act on something they don't know about. Start the conversation calmly: share what you're noticing, then ask what the teacher has observed and what steps they've already taken. "A lot of times, parents will just jump to the principal and they want action, but the principal is going to point to the teacher and ask if you have talked to the teacher yet," Thomas says. 

• Get familiar with what the school offers. Knowing the protocols and the resources counselors, teachers, and principals can provide gives you more options when an issue comes up. "We love when families partner with the school," Thomas says. 

To connect with Kirstie Thomas, reach her at MT Counseling, 405-534-9711. 

Originally printed in the September 2026 issue of Simply Local Magazine

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